Not so dishy … David and Corinne thought serving avocado with the tiger prawns and soup made a great combination. ‘But I do eat bacon’ … The ditzy Carly stunned guests with declaration that a childhood love of the movie Babe had left her with a dislike of pork.
David and Corinne had ‘secret affair’ claims
If you’re anything like me, you settled in to watch David and Corinne’s second bash at competitive cooking with two things: a bag of pineapple lumps and a giddy sense of schadenfreude.
For so long, the Captain and Tennille had been the reigning monarchs of gehässigkeit and gemeinheit (which Google Translate assures me are the German words for spitefulness and bitchiness). No dish escaped their displeasure, every culinary creation received their dreary damnation.
So their utter failure to redeem themselves in this episode allowed us to feel, as our Teutonic friends would term it, delight in their misery.
But then something else started gnawing at me. Initially I thought it was a mosquito, but soon it dawned on me that in fact I had started to feel something different for David and Corinne. Something worse, for them at least, than malicious joy.
Back to a sunny Cairns morning, with the Captain polishing his pole. He wanted everything to be spotless, and that included his catamaran and all its structures. Corinne meanwhile prepared her action list for shopping and prepping.
For a moment, the Captain and Tennille became Hannibal Smith and B.A. Baracus, with their plan all coming together.
Before the guests arrived, they had their dessert cooked and setting, their entree ready to roll, and their pork thoroughly pounded (snort). They’d even remembered the chairs for their instant restaurant. They were so on top of everything that they celebrated with champagne (“Shampoo time!”), more affectionate baby talk, and David walking around with no pants on. It may have been creepy to us viewers, but the pair deserved their happy moment.
It would be their last.
Upon arrival, the mantle of bitchiest guests quickly fell to Cathy and Anna (David and Corinne being obviously out of contention). They slagged off the sailor hats, they slagged off Harry’s immature attempt at flirting, they slagged off the (admittedly simple) menu choices and even slagged off RSLs.
Now RSL members may have fought for Cathy’s freedom to insult their food, but I doubt that will stop hundreds of them from wanting to re-enlist specifically to take down that snooty cow.
Meanwhile David and Corinne cooked with the attitude of “Well, we like it this way”, which ordinarily should be perfectly fine, but when you’re facing a Book of Revelations-style judgment, was far too blase.
Corinne may have liked thick corn soup, but by the horrified gasps of “It’s puree!” from the likes of Carly and Anna and Josh and Danielle, she may have well as served up chunky vomit with extra carrot. They may have thought serving avocado with the tiger prawns and soup made a great combination, but it turned out, as the French judge said, like “baby food”.
(Insert your own joke here about David and Corinne’s age gap).
Still, the Captain and Tennille resolved to bring it back with a great main, consisting of their pounded pork medallions with a cauliflower puree, green beans and mushroom sauce.
The ditzy Carly stunned the guests with her declaration that a childhood love of the movie Babe had left her with a dislike of pork. “I don’t want to eat things that talk,” she said. “But I do eat bacon.” Thing is, I can’t even rag her out about this because all the guests already did. Besides, I can’t eat spiders because I read Charlotte’s Web as a child so I understand where she’s coming from.
Sadly, the pork medallions didn’t win any medals from judges or guests. The French one was bewildered by their decision to beat the hell out of it; the non-French one was confused by over-buttered mushroom sauce.
It’s here that I started feeling like I was watching die Götterdämmerung. Of course, you couldn’t really describe David and Corinne as “gods” of the kitchen, but the sense of doom was now all pervasive.
Harry and Christo had declared that David and Corinne hadn’t learnt a thing from their first disastrous outing. They were wrong – the couple had drastically changed their modus operandi in the kitchen, avoiding the sturm und drang and firing off a well-executed plan.
By the time came for dessert, they had it raring to go, giving them time to work on a beautiful presentation that made their chocolate cake with candied liqueur oranges look good enough to eat.
With the universal panning of their eggy, messy chocolate “cake”, the pair was done.
With the exception of the kind-hearted Carly and Tresne, the guests all gave them number 1s or number 2s, aptly reflecting what they believed the meals tasted like.
The judges were no different; it was eins, zwei, drei all over the place. Or un, deux, trois for the French one. Oh god, mixing languages in this recap was a scheiße idea.
David and Corinne couldn’t conceal their disappointment at scoring 27 overall, even if the Captain was still somewhat baffled by how it was possible that he and his darling baby wife could be terrible. David had become not so much the Ancient Mariner, but the albatross.
So there you have it. Utter distaste at the Captain and Tennille’s antics turned into pity by the revelation of their incompetence. (And yes, it is the lowest score on MKR after toppling Lisa and Stefano’s record low last year of 38.)
Instead, we turn our attention to Cathy and Anna, the last in the instant restaurant series. They’ve been ramped up now as the new bad guys, and boy oh boy, if they have a bad night this is one schaden that’s going to be particularly freude.
This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.